Old Timey Dude Killer

The flea market is a wet dream for any person who likes to be repeatedly shot down for awesome -shit-in-the-house-ideas.  Me and the old lady try and go every week.  She likes pyrex, and I like to have my dreams crushed. Case in point, this old timey dude killer.

Killer of Many Dudes

He looks as if he’s pondering the many dudes he’s killed. This look of consternation seems to stem from wondering if he killed too many, or didn’t kill enough.  Seriously though, I bet you he killed at least 9,000 infidels. And I don’t know when and where these hats are gonna get trendy again, but I’ll gladly take one bus ticket to Awesome Hatsville now, please.

The picture itself was is (it didn’t cease to exist because I’m too big of a vagina to bring it into the house) about 3 feet high and yay (arms length) wide. Can you imagine this thing towering over you as you slowly become drunk off Mead. The roaring (gas) fire from the Glo-Warm illuminating the warrior’s face from down below.  Maybe the sound of your annoying and fat upstairs neighbor being tortured.  Yes, this painting could’ve gotten me through the winter of my discontent. But alas, I’m a pussy.

The moccasin in the lower left-hand corner belongs to my old (Native American) lady. I’m sure that moccasin would’ve found it’s way through this old timey dude’s face had I actually brought it in the house, and that sir, is no way to go.

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